Moon in Sagittarius... I Think

Before my yoga class started tonight, the instructor asked if anyone had any pain points they were looking to avoid or any particular areas they were looking to work on. I told her neither, but it was my first class since at least December. 

She started us in child's pose and let us know that the moon was in Sagittarius...I think. I don't follow astrology closely, so I don't know what that means and I was too busy enjoying the weight of my body melting into the hard studio floor. 

The class was neither easy nor difficult. I sweat profusely (to that point that I removed my shirt to use as a sweat rag) and stumbled on many of the poses. I am rusty and my body is still so tight. But I was proud of completing the class and trying every pose, even when my knees ached and my muscles spasmed with the unfamiliar movements. 

At the end of the class, the instructor had us lie in savasana and told us that the last quarter of the moon in Sagittarius was a time of rebirth. She said, "You do not have to be the person you were yesterday. You do not have to be the person you were when you came into this room." She moved us from corpse pose to womb pose - a symbolic rebirth. My eyes welled up as she invited us to go home and write about what we want out of the proverbial tomorrow, about what things serve us and what we can leave behind in this moment. 

I know we hear what we are attuned to hear, but as someone who started this "blog" in January with one draft journal entry, that spoke to me. It felt like I needed to hear that. That sentiment coupled with some Pinterest image I saw yesterday that said "It's only embarrassing if you're embarrassed," stuck with me. As I've gotten older, I've shrunk away from outward artistic expression in so many forms. Partially out of embarrassment, partially out of a need for everything I do to be done the "right" way, or to be "beautiful" or even profitable. 

It's specifically taken me so long to write a fucking blog post because I think, "What if I look back on that post, embarrassed at who I was and what I believed, if those things should change in the future?" Well, guess what, me? I'm pretty sure those things will change. (As I often say, change is the only constant.)

Yoga tonight was a good reminder that it's ok to not be good at things. I know this in theory, but struggle with it in practice. I am trying to set more boundaries with myself about sticking to my goals and how I spend my time. So, in that spirit, I am naming this blog Burn After Writing. The internet is forever, and unless I delete these posts, they will remain - but I will mentally let them go, and let all the potential embarrassment in the world go. Who gives a flying fuck what some thirty-something living in the South has to say? I look forward to posting again. 

And to anyone reading, welcome and thank you. 💙